The best way I learn about myself is through challenge. Growth won’t happen in the comfort zone, although the comfort zone is a nice place to rest and be thankful. For me, growth is my purpose. I am curious about how much I can learn, absorb, shapeshift and develop into wholeness. And the more complete I feel, the more I have to give to others, and the more effective I am in my family and community. Sometimes I feel frustration that I only have a limited amount of time on this earth. Frustrated that I can’t live all the lives I want to live; that I can’t be all the different versions of myself I want to experience. But I am learning a valuable lesson in acceptance through the art of karate, and that is that I’ll never be fully complete, finished, whole. To reach, as a cognitive human, my absolute potential is impossible; but to strive towards potential is an endeavour that creates an abundance of opportunity to experience myriad growth in all directions. I have come to accept that I will always be a work in progress.
Yesterday, I competed in my first karate competition of the year, taking home a silver and two bronze medals. Placing was a bonus but it wasn’t what I set out to achieve. I had spent a few weeks learning the long and challenging kata, Gojishiho Sho. It’s a beautiful kata to watch because it has an interesting balance of measured and steady artistic postures and slick sharp bursts of speed and power. Shifting between eerily slow manoeuvres and strikingly explosive action, when done well it is a joy to behold, and a very enjoyable kata to perform. Gojishiho Sho translated means ’54 steps’ and getting through the whole kata certainly feels like a fulfilling journey . Although I was placed in a category with two young world champion black belts, rather than feel intimidated it actually relieved the pressure. I can’t compete against them, they will always be better than me (isn’t there always someone better than us?), so my mentality quickly shifted away from other competitors and I focused on the mantra, ‘It’s me against… me’. And I’m curious as to why I don’t adopt this mindset in all of my karate endeavours. Immediately I feel more in control when I don’t concern myself with what is happening around me. When I focus on myself and go insular, when I concentrate deeply on what I can control in each moment, that is when I meet a version of myself who can accomplish and is progressive. And I like this version of me. It’s a difficult kata, way above the level of kata I am expected to know, but quietly learning and performing Gojishiho Sho to a standard that I expect of myself was definitely a progressive moment in which I experienced accomplishment. The journey of learning and competing this kata has taught me two things. Firstly, that I enjoy feeling prepared for performance. Secondly, that I thrive when I don’t carry the expectations of others.
Moving onto the kumite element of the competition I felt at ease; loose and relaxed. I had already set out to accomplish a decent delivery of the kata and now I was really just focusing on gaining sparring experience. I have much to learn in that department. Having had little exposure to fighting I possess no combat skills worth mentioning and certainly no expectation of scoring or winning. As it stands, kumite practice- be it in the dojo or within competition- I currently view as an opportunity to be curious about my potential. And I’ll share with you here that kumite is my least favourite aspect of karate but I have a burning to desire to understand why I feel that way. What am I afraid of? What is this challenge trying to teach me?
This particular competition gave me the opportunity to fight against my veteran peers and surprisingly I won all of my matches. I am fit and can be fast but they are strong, cunning and capable so I would never assume success is a given just because my cardio is good. I reached the medalling rounds of both Ippon and Sanbon kumite to come up against those two young world champions again. It goes without saying that both girls won and I didn’t score a point against either of them. However, I remained curious. As we were sparring I noticed that I can match their fitness; I can move around the tatami as long as they can; I responded to their light and bouncy style and found myself unconsciously trying to mimic; I wasn’t scared or worried or intimidated. It was, in all honesty, a thoroughly enjoyable privilege to face these girls on the mat. The entire kumite experience reinforced one of the lessons I had learned previously during the kata event- that I perform better when I expect nothing but to stay focused. I also discovered that I can be good at learning; I am a responsive and observant student, and I believe that’s a pretty good place to start my journey towards black belt.
And Karate is a journey, not a destination. I will always be a work in progress, always learning, always developing. The wholeness I seek is unattainable because as I grow, so does my potential. And yet I feel whole knowing that I exist without the pressure of reaching potential. There is no such thing as the perfect karateka. There is always room for improvement. I’ll continue to strive towards my potential, having witnessed through yesterday’s competition that joy and satisfaction can be found in the growth opportunities that present themselves, and not necessarily the results.
Be Bamboo 